Some of you may know that Helen had a miscarriage between Jeremy and Jonathan.  She was only 7 weeks along at the time—so still quite early, and we had not yet told people or visited the doctor.  We assumed it was a daughter—at least partly because Johanna had two younger brothers and wanted a sister–and named her Jewel, because we felt she was precious to God and we knew she was precious to us.  (This probably wouldn’t have been her actual name if she had lived and been born, but in hindsight it seemed to be the proper name.) 

At this point, I can’t remember whether we had any kind of a funeral service for her—if we did, it would have been a quiet, immediate-family-only service.  We grieved our loss, but not as those who have no hope.  Our confidence is that God in His perfect and sovereign will for us had worked out what would be best for her and for us. 

When Helen and I are by ourselves we occasionally speak of having 5 children—four living children and one who went directly to heaven.  Then every January 20 her name is faithfully listed on our family calendar.  The doctor told us that she would have died about two weeks before.  And at least on rare occasions, I wonder what our lives would have been like if she had lived.  This year she would have been 37. 

A while ago I was reading Augustine’s autobiography, what today we call his Confessions.  He begins in the earlier chapters trying to reflect back on—or at least imagine—what his life would have been like when he was still in the womb, then experiencing birth, growing as a baby and finally as a toddler.  He raises some interesting questions.  We too can wonder when a baby’s heart beats for the first time, or when they have their first conscious thoughts.  God knows; we don’t.  There is a marvel to life, as well as a mystery.  And God calls us to trust Him through it all.

Since I believe that life begins at conception, I also believe that each life is precious and known to God.  God has so ordained it that wildflowers grow in lonely places all around this world and exotic birds and animals live out their lives in places unseen by human beings—but seen by Him, and for His glory.  Even so, our Jewel was unseen by us, but known by Him who created her short existence for His own glory.  At the end of the day, life is always for His glory and the outworking of His perfect plans.  In the meantime, He calls us to trust Him and rejoice in His goodness—even when we don’t understand what He is doing.